This anti-Valentine’s post is just as it says in the title: ditching an unwanted suitor. Suitor being the operative, and ironic, word as what I’m talking about isn’t really suitors at all. No, there’s not much Pride and Prejudice about this post. Listed below are all possible occasions in which you might be in the position of attracting a suitor, and exactly how you’ll get rid of them too…
At the Bar…
After the whole polite small talk (you’re trying to get a drink, there are no free spaces at your bar, you’re stuck, basically) use the whole ‘oh I’m just going to da…’ and gesture to the dance floor whilst simultaneously pulling your friend’s hand to go. Usually they go away but not always.
Like bees to honey the really desperate ones cling on, clutching at anything to talk about, offering drinks, free money or their hand in marriage to get you to stay. Unfortunately my friend and I once took pity on this kind of guy, as he confessed his bleak and miserable life story to us. But then when we realised he was hovering in the background wherever we went, we knew we had a problem. Sadly, ladies, there isn’t much you can do about kind of guy, except maybe take advantage and use him as a coat stand. Whatever you do you cannot admit defeat and leave the bar. Free drinks and someone to hold your jacket – may as well make the most of a bad situation!
On the Train…
Things to note if a guy on the train likes you:
- he’ll be peering over his newspaper to get snippets of glances
- he cranes his neck when you shuffle further against the window (by this point you’ve caught on to the shifty looks he’s giving you)
- he may even whip out his phone and direct his camera at you (this is when you should start to feel concern)
- he moves seats to get closer
Okay so now things are getting serious and you can’t squash yourself further against the window if you tried. It’s time to move. Hopefully he’ll get the picture and find someone else to disturb, but if he follows you into the next carriage your last resort is the on-board toilet. Although inconvenient to spend the remainder of your journey pin-balling the confined walls of a moving vehicle, it is better than the alternative (having someone stare at you whilst you snapchat your friends). Instead of mourning your former comfy seat, see this as an opportunity to titivate your hair and makeup, just in case you see someone you do want to impress post-train. Every cloud.
On a Date…
Sex and the City fans out there will know the classic Charlotte York get-out-of-a-bad-date routine:
Charlotte receives phone call off Carrie: ‘Oh a really bad thing happened?! Okay I’ll be there right away’
Charlotte comes off the phone and says to date: ‘A really bad thing happened. I have to go’
Having been tried and tested on the 90s’ favourite TV show (Friends aside), make sure you follow suit. Always have a friend on standby ready for such circumstances. Alternatively, if you’re a serial dater and don’t like to hassle your friends, it may be worth investing in another phone and calling yourself from it. Far-fetched, possibly, but essential? Definitely.
The key to shirk off any social media stalkers is down to man-repelling outfits. Ah, thank you Leandre Medine for blessing us with this invaluable lesson.
Man-repelling clothes, by definition, are those that are remotely fashion forward/chic that men simply don’t understand. I think leather dungarees and a Victoriana blouse fits the bill. By posting pictures in your man-repelling outfits, then not only are you chasing away those fickle creatures who are just following you for your looks, but also means the ones that are really interested in you will persevere. Essentially, this sorts the wheat from chaff.
Ideas of man-repelling clothes this season include; strange-heeled croc boots, fishnet tights worn unconventionally with loafers, culottes (every man’s pet hate), boiler suits, ‘mom’ jeans.
Shop my man-repelling favourites below…
This one is possibly the hardest as it requires some kind of tact.
Unlike in the bar or on the train, this needs some time and dedication. Give it three weeks for a phase-out (time-length as you see fit in correlation to length of relationship – a graph may help).
First of all you don’t text back much, and when you do, it’s very boring. Not so hard. Next you’re super busy, like no time to see him. Appropriate excuses include: work, social life, taking the dog to the groomers and beauty appointments (these are particularly useful as the opposite sex tend not to realise that getting your nails done three times a week is a lot). Final stage is, of course, the ‘meet up’. By the time it comes to the crunch then he should have got the picture, and if he hasn’t, then what were you doing with such fool in the first place? You’ve made the right decision.
What I’m Wearing
Jumpsuit | Mango (linked below)
Shirt | M&S, old (alternative linked below)
Sunglasses | Céline Catherine (linked below)
Loafers | River Island (similar linked below)
Earrings | Topshop (similar linked below)