Mastering the Art of Self Care

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Things people tell us we should be doing as self-care:

  • Regular walks in the fresh air.
  • Buying sleep spray at £17.99 per 100ml.
  • Drinking so much water we resemble a puffer fish.
  • Exercising three to four times a week (is this something anyone has ever done or is it just a myth?)
  • Purchasing five excessively detailed publications on the causes of insomnia.
  • Blah blah blah blah.

Things we should actually be doing as self-care:

Eschewing Exercise

If it’s one thing we should all be avoiding, it’s exercise. Yes, you heard me. Pulling yourself out of bed is peril enough on these freezing cold mornings without the burden of sore limbs and cramped calves. And if that isn’t enough stress for you, maybe we should talk about the never-ending feeling of failure when we don’t look like Adriana Lima in our activewear (she’s thirty-six by the way, do you feel worse yet?), the excessive amounts of money we waste on a gym membership and the quickening heartbeat and mild panic attacks when we don’t know how to use the gym equipment properly. Feel a bit sick at the thought? Yeah, me too. Let’s stay in bed.

Spending Your Savings on a Bag

Apparently money is the route of all evil, but this isn’t the case when it comes to the Selfridges leather goods floor. Happiness comes in all shapes and sizes and if that means spending part of your house deposit on a thousand pound handbag then who are we to judge? 

Take a Lot of Selfies

In the millennial generation, we ought to take the time to realise that a good selfie goes a long way in relation to our mental health. Taking three hundred selfies may take a large chunk out of your day but will also make you see just how amazing you looked in selfie number 2. I recommend watching a Youtube makeup tutorial that makes you look like a super-human version of yourself, finding a good window and giving yourself thirty minutes to two hours (depending on your selfie-taking-skills) to get a good picture. When you’re feeling low you’ll be able to look back at this and realise how good you looked at that moment (instant self-care)…

Things we should celebrate as self-care achievements: 

  • First of all, congratulations if you managed to slither out of bed this morning and make it to the kitchen. Three cheers. It can be a journey filled with all kind of obstacles that you must overcome: the overwhelming sense that you’ve not had enough sleep, the softness of your sheets, the biting chill of winter that hits you when you poke your head from under the covers… When it comes to daily achievements we ought to recognise the mammoth task that is getting out of bed and making yourself a cup of tea. Honestly, well done.
  • Second of all, if you successfully didn’t have a breakdown over your lack of career path then GO YOU! And if you did have a break down, then congratulations as well – yolo.
  • If you’re still hopelessly single but had eye contact with the attractive man you see on the train everyday (congratulations, you’re almost engaged!).
  • Lots of self care instructions tell us to write down our worries and achievements – I say, applaud yourself if you even remember how to hold a pen to paper. 
  • Learning to say no: if you turned down a Waitrose chocolate covered biscuit in the staff room then that’s enough reason to throw a party. Amazing achievement.

If you’re struggling to think of a single achievement and can’t tick off any of the above boxes then congratulations… You’re completely normal! And what an achievement in itself that is.

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