Ah, the age old tradition of afternoon tea! You’d think we Brits would have it down to a fine art after all these years, yet we still end up snacking beforehand, wearing inappropriate attire and consuming our body weight in an assortment miniature treats (okay, am I the only one who thinks that sounds like the dream…?!). Extra instructions on how to execute this ritual, then, can never go amiss. So here is your guide to perfecting the art of afternoon tea!
A little tip: white blouses and strawberry jam do not mix. Likewise, corset-style tops and strawberry jam (with five miniature scones, of course) do not mix. Alas, we all suffer for fashion and sometimes it’s better to just deal with preserve-stained sleeves and uncomfortable clothing than to compromise on the outfit. The things we ladies do!
Whatever you do, don’t make the fatal mistake of nipping into M&S for a quick bacon sandwich mid-morning. Despite crippling hunger pains and a burgeoning desire to eat, you must save yourself for better things to come! You’ll only have pay the price for slipping an extra meal into your day by mournfully looking at the extra pastry you simply don’t have room for (damn that succulent bacon!).
Afternoon Tea Maths (to make you feel better about the calories):
x6 finger sandwiches – 6 crusts of bread (yes, by removing the crusts you can feel far superior than the woman next to you wasting her precious stomach-space on them) = just HALF a sandwich!
x1 mini clotted cream + 1 smaller-than-average scone + 3 mini cakes = practically just one piece of cake
x2 glasses of champagne + 3 cups of tea = replenishment for a bout of shopping!
Afternoon Tea vs. Shopping
If you so happen to be combining your afternoon delights with a little bit of light shopping (it never hurt anyone), then there are a few little rules that must be adhered to if you aren’t going to end up crying in the changing room from scone-overload.
Crucially, allow yourself time to peruse the shops before hand, trying on clothes (at your slimmest point of the day), ready to go back post afternoon tea (at your tipsiest point of the day). And whilst you’re still a bit light-headed from the champagne, it’s the perfect chance to go and look at that bag you want from Selfridges… Tipsy and bloated, you’ll feel more inclined to spend your cash fast. Bingo! (Also a new bag will distract you from wondering how many calories you’ve consumed in finger sandwiches and mini carrot cakes).
What I’m Wearing
Blazer | Mango, similar below
Jeans | Zara, similar below
Top | Stradivarius, here
Shoes | River Island, similar below
Bag | Gucci, similar below
Sunglasses | Céline, linked below