The Diary of a Millennial Singleton

mango striped sweater

mango striped sweater

The Millennial Singleton : A Satirical Diary Entry.

Dear Diary,

It sprung upon me, whilst watching a badger couple foraging on Autumn Watch, that I ought to download Tinder. Don’t ask me how the two correlate. Perhaps it’s something to do with the Hygge lifestyle that badgers create, that made me want a boyfriend in time for winter.

I downloaded said app rather hurriedly as it dawned on me that time was running out. I’m nearly twenty-three which suddenly seemed tantamount to forty-three (at which age I don’t wish to be single).

Feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders and the insurmountable pressure to boyfriend-hunt, I was led down the route of dating apps, of which I have been unquestionably against until such point (post badgers). Suddenly it all seemed rather fun as I selected which pictures a potential suitor may find appealing. V vain way of finding romance, but have to succumb to twenty-first century norms of narcissism and accept that I don’t live on 1950s film set.

Does this pic of me on a night out suggest I’m fun or too much of a wild-child to be tamed? Should probably crop the guy whose arm is around my shoulder. Will be left with creepy, unidentified hand. Hmmmm.

*Continued below*

black and white jumper

pink beret

Diary, I’m not getting above my station, but swiping through images of balding twenty-six year olds, tattoo-covered muscle men and all in-between made me depressed at the twenty-three minutes I’ve wasted selecting my best pictures from the last year and a half of my camera roll.

Having scrolled through a hundred-and-twenty-six (I counted) disasters, I questioned both my own standards and the standards of men these days. Humph.

Meanwhile, the badger couple on Autumn Watch were scrapping and one ended up with a limp leg which blonde woman on programme (Googled: Michaela Strachan) had to nurse back to health. Perhaps relationships weren’t all they were cracked up to be.

It was a foregone conclusion that the app had to, in the end, be deleted.

Status: Millennial Singleton. 

mango striped sweater

black and white jumper

What I’m Wearing

Belt | Fairfax & Favor x Breast Cancer Care (100% of the profits go towards Breast Cancer Care), here

Jumper | Mango, linked below

Pants | Zara, similar linked below

Boots | Zara, similar linked below

Blazer | Zara, similar linked below

Beret | Primark, similar linked below

Bag | Gucci, similar linked below

Sunglasses | Céline, similar linked below


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