How to Convince Yourself You’re On a Diet

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Unbeknownst to most, merely convincing yourself that you’re on a diet is certain to boost your mental health and wellbeing. It’s been proven, I’m sure… Somewhere. So with this in mind, here are some steadfast tricks to brainwash, err I mean, assure you that your diet is going to plan.

The Little But Often Portion Rule

Basically, everyone should know that the most obvious way to convince yourself that you’re on a diet is to only eat small portions. Despite going back approx. 6 times for more.

Example: Takes minuscule slice of cake that wouldn’t satisfy a mouse. Continues to go back until half of the cake has been eaten by the end of the day. Technically: eaten half a cake. Mentally: only a morsel.

Do you get the picture? This can be repeated for other confectioneries.

Create a Chart

This is something that will pretty much make you feel the same way that a list does about your work. If it’s there on paper then you’ve pretty much completed the task. Write out a little diet plan with the basics; ‘fruit for breakfast’, ‘salad at lunch’, ‘NO jelly babies under any circumstances (even if it’s a bad day)’, etc. etc. Let yourself know that at some point you mean business. Just writing it down you’ll feel the pounds dropping, the clouds in the sky will clear and you’ll almost be able to get your high-waisted jeans back on again. Almost.

Banana at Breakfast

A classic tip for the dieting trickster is to have a banana for breakfast. Whoooosh! You’re on a ROLE! What an excellent start to the day. Nothing can stop me and my one banana now. Smug, slim and satisfied (ish). You’ll power through the morning on your one banana feeling on top of the world.

When things start to crumble (expect this around 3pm onwards), it is then perfectly justifiable to eat something. Like an apple, or a bag of crisps. Because then you can add this to the calories you didn’t have at breakfast. You see, had you consumed a piece of toast and jam at 7am, you wouldn’t be able to justify this right now. But extra calories later in the day are fine. You know why? Because you only ate a banana at breakfast. It’s just basic maths, really!

Talk About Yourself Like You Would A Dog

When it comes to dieting, it is advisable to refer to yourself as you would a house-freindly pet: ‘Oh you’ve been so good today. You deserve a treat’.

You must follow suit with relevant dog-based vocabulary, offering yourself rewards in response to good dieting. This can be a hobnob or something similar. Every time you eat a salad, you need a pat on the back to keep your tail wagging.

More Lingo

Half the time, convincing yourself you’re on a diet has a lot to do with the lingo (*see above tip). Once you’ve mastered talking to yourself like your dog, it’s time to branch out into other diet-friendly vocab. Things like…

  • ‘Cheat Day.’ Be this every day, or once a week.
  • ‘Artificial sweeteners’ to add to your hot choc extra cream.
  • ‘Food journal’. To write down what you fancy to eat tomorrow.
  • ‘Meal prep’: i.e. to chop the vegetables before you cook them. This, one would think, is a given. Until the recent fad of ‘meal prepping’, had people been living their lives eating unpeeled vegetables?

Post Weight-Loss Balance

By some fortuitous circumstance that you have actually manage to shed some pounds, first of all good for you (bleugh), what’s your secret? And second of all, you can now defo afford to use Thurs, Fri, Sat and Sun as none diet days. Having lost a few lbs you need to maintain a healthy, balanced, even, equal, 50/50 lifestyle that allows you to eat what you want whilst staying lean (the dream). From Thursday morning you are free to eat what your heart, and stomach, desires having consumed only bananas for breakfast from Monday through Wednesday. Go wild, treat yourself, you’ve been SO good. It will all balance out in the end…

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What I’m Wearing


Skirt | La Redoute, here

Blouse | Mango, linked below

Earrings | Mango, linked below

Boots | Mango, similar linked below

Sunglasses | Céline, similar linked below

Bag | Gucci, similar linked below

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